Stepping on Everyone’s Toes

Different cultures have different sets of rules and practices. These rules have been laid down to have a concrete foundation in our lives. With time & generations, rules or what I would put down as discipline evolved as per the convenience we found in our lives. With each generation, the definition and the requirements which one seeks from their lives have changed and we will see a steep amendment in the further generations. The usual debates which happen amongst generations is regarding which generation lives were or are better. The older ones, where the roots of foundations were firmly planted and now control the growth of the tree? Or, the flowers who are blooming to look beautiful and with time will ripe into a fruit and then feed the further generations the seeds from the past making sure they reach the future? Does this not sound like who came in first, the egg or the hen?

Our lives are a speck in this vast universe which runs on the steam of time. We take birth, we grow, learn things, move ahead in our lives whilst experiencing and participating in creating the future life and ascend to start another speck of our own life somewhere again in the future. A few would ask me to prove the existence of rebirth, however, this article is not and will never be about it. This is more towards trying a way to live lives, by unlearning a few things from the past and teaching a few things to the future.

Privacy or individual privacy is a matter of debate in our society. Most of us will tag this idea of privacy as a western culture. Although all of us have our space, our time is necessary for us. If we do not look after our needs, we will not be able to look after the needs of the one’s dependent on us. However, this word is frowned upon by many in today’s world and then begins a war at home where we are intentionally or unintentionally stepping on everyone’s toes. When I say this, please do not take this statement literally, it means that we are crossing a few unseen boundaries of an individual which need to be considered.

In a regular household in a country like India, we will have 3 generations living in one house in many sections of the society. The concept of joint family might have changed for some households, like the in-laws living in the house or flat in a different building or a different floor. However, it is still together and not countries or cities apart. With the soaring inflation and living expenses it has become unfair for only one person to be the earning member of the family of 6. It is a herculean task. The burden of income has been divided to two sets of shoulders carrying it rather than one. One can just imagine the range of requirements each member of the family might have and the burden of expectations along with the burden of survival. It is simpler put forward in words rather than living it our entire life.

Here comes the limitations one can have while trying to manage multiple tasks juggling everyone’s requirements. The requirements are of various kinds: range in food, medical, expenses, kind of household, the cultural requirement to raise the kids, demanding work, toxic social pressures like kitty parties, holidays, Instagram lives showing the happier side of trying to portray the perfect happy family. But is Freedom to express really acceptable? How can one’s happiness be measured? When the answer for these two questions will come as a yes; which also might be an unlikely possibility considering the baggage of expectations & confusions we all carry & live with.

Now coming back to the part where we were talking about ‘Privacy’; this will never mean closing doors and doing what one feels right; that is communism and dominance. What we need in a household is respect and a safe space to express and be ourselves, yet to be accepted, the way we are. Privacy can be about anything, maintaining a diary and not expecting anyone to read it, taking time off from the kitchen while someone else takes it over, having a hobby and being free to pursue it. At times, privacy can also be two individuals enjoying their quiet time with each other. When I say stepping toes, it is being disrespectful to the other one when they are trying to create their own space and identity amongst the family. Freedom to express one’s perspective in front of others and not being judged by it.

The thought is simple. Although the understanding around this simplicity is made complicated at times. Live & Let Live is not only a mantra from the jungle; it is now more of a mantra to be implemented in this concrete jungle. Making people change their very essence because they do not obey you or live as per your rules does not make them indiscipline or a brat or ill-mannered. They are just people; maybe a little stronger to fight for themselves rather than being weak and giving in.

The pain when we stub our toes to any corner object is quite intense. Similar is stepping on people’s boundaries and trying to ruin their private space for your convenience. Hence next time you think of why someone is being irrational to you; rather than assuming that the other one might be at fault; let us just once try to see what you must have done for them so that they now react badly towards you.

Better Yet Bitter

We all move across from generations to generations. We once were the X generation millennials; now I read about the generation Z being better than us. I times i envy them; most of the times I pity them. No, I am not the jealous kinds and will not blurt the dialogue whoch we have aleways heard our grandparents and parents say, ‘Your generation does not know work at all; it was our generation that had the most difficult phase’. Maybe they are right; maybe not. I will give you a version of my observations so far.

I had an experience with one of the Z millennials just after the lockdown was lifted; somewhere in September 2020. I requested this parlor girl for a few services at my home as I was skeptical about going to the parlor them. After a little time passed away while she was working on me; I initiated a conversation to keep us entertained. She told me about her family that they were a family of 5 her parents, two elder brothers, herself and a younger brother. Her off seemed off; I thought I touched a nerve. I decided to steer away from the topic. We were just randomly discussing some random topic when her phone rang. She disconnected the call twice; finally answered the third call. Her tone was dripping hatred; I will be honest, I got quite uneasy. She apologized and resumed her work. I enquired if everything was okay and it was a wrong question! She just started about how her father and her elder brothers did not but be lazy around the house all day & night. The younger brother was too young and was not eligible to work. It was her mother & herself that did all the work and were the bread earners of the house. This was not the problem; the real problem was that she already has made this strong opinion rather judgement that all men in the world were useless; which I know is not true at all. This sis bothers me somehow, I found her too young to form this opinion. She was barely 23; I am sure she has not seen life yet! But this amount of anger in her was disturbing.

We all are aware of the most mysterious suicide the actor Sushant Singh Rajput and the controversies behind it. No, I do not have any comments regarding that. Like that, a kid of merely 24 years committed suicide by hanging himself in our society. Not many of us know the exact details and the reasons. But the mindset of this young person reaching to that conclusion this way bothers me. So does the way Sushant Singh killed (or not killed) himself also does. The other day on Twitter a post went viral of a kid of 16 committed suicide after fearing that he will fail the exams. These are some that we know or read somewhere; I wonder how many we do not know. All I will say, for someone who has not even lived their half life is already thinking of giving it up. We all have failed the young ones in some or the other way.

I am someone who was born in mid 80s; I was that generation where I think everything happened at the correct time. I have enjoyed playing outdoors when I was young and when the technology boomed; we were old enough to handle it. Like most of us, I have my set of failures, heartbreaks, broken relationships and much more. But ending my mind is a thought which never entered my mind. I have observed that for some odd reason, most of the people of 80s have failed marriages; however, some of us still hold on to the thought that relationships are a necessity and we were just unlucky. The later generations as of now do not have time or the patience for any relationship; not even one with themselves. I thought I easily get bored; but these are worst. They hardly consider anything worthwhile. However, the more I observed, I realized that they were not bored or restless or immature; it was their mind that was restless. They are sharp; hence I cannot call them stupid, they are neither matured nor completely immature. They can reason yet can seem unreasonable. What went wrong with this generation is my question?

I cannot say technology ruined them, because I work in this industry. There is no way anyone of us is spared from it now. I cannot say that parents ruined them, because they are someone who have always tried to do their best for us. I still am looking for a reason that went wrong with generation Z. Do they give up early? Do they not have patience? Do they not have attention? I do not know what it is yet.

Things seem bleak to them quite early in life. They might be the best generation to get everything they need at their disposal, yet it does not seem enough. Like the older generations, even I feel at times, they have Google for most of the difficult question of life; this was something we never had while growing up. The better the had maybe the bitter they got. Was it because they have everything or is it because they have everything, yet it is nothing?

Although there is one thing these people are oblivious to; its HOPE. We all are alone; I have not seen anyone lonelier than this lot. They have the world open to them, yet no one to talk to. They are battling more than they can handle or maybe they are keeping in too much within themselves than what they can handle. I they are all looking for an acknowledgment from the world; they do not know yet, that the world only watches everyone yet support no one. This is how the New World now has become. Only tragedies bring us together, while someone else’s joy make us miserable. What have we come to? Where will it stop? How many lives more to go? When will this burden of life end for some? When will is all become more accepting for everyone? When will this all become peaceful for us?

I would only like to say; before any of us reaching to an extreme conclusion find someone to talk to. If families can be difficult; talk to friends. If friends are not around; talk to a stranger. One never might know; when we all can get help from an unknown who can help us sail through the most difficult day.

With this I leave you all to think about my observations and let me know; if Being Better Made Them Bitter or not!

Rosary

‘Open the door. It’s the police!’, Thomas shouted while standing outside the main door. ‘I do not hear anything inside. Should we break in?’, he asked his partner. ‘Hmm’, came the reply immediately. They were already late by 7 mins for this distress call; she already had a bad feeling regarding this one. Thomas kept his hand on the door and gave it a nudge. The entire house was pitch dark. They stepped in carefully, covering each other. There was light coming from the upper floor. They headed to the top floor, while the floorboards occasionally creaked under them.

They were standing outside the bedroom door from where the light poured out. It was slightly ajar. Thomas called out again, ‘Is anyone in there?’. The air coming out from the room was sickeningly pungent. Fiona realised what the stench was of. With a dreadful sense, Fiona pushed the door and there was the deadliest sight see had ever seen in life.

She felt herself being lifted and then felt hot lights until she passed out again. When she opened her eyes, she found herself in a hospital bed. She looked around only to realise her hand was plastered. She could not remember anything about last night except for the missing rosary. It took a lot of her effort to press the call button, but instantly she had a nurse by her side. ‘Where am I? How did I get here? Who got me here? Where did he go?’, she looked quite perplexed. ‘You need to calm down. I will get the doctor for you’, saying this the nurse rushed out.

‘Finally, you are up’, the doctor said while coming in. ‘How long have I been here?’, she asked. ‘About 9 days’, he replied. The machines suddenly started beeping at her anxiety. ‘You need to calm down. Let us have a look at you for now’, he said and started checking her vitals. ‘Who got me here?’, she enquired. ‘The police’, he replied. ’As of now, your vitals are stable. I will come back to check up on you in a while’, saying this he left. After a while the doctor came to visit her, but he had brought company. It took her a while to get adjusted to the light this time. For the first time she noticed him. He was quite tall, slightly grey on the sides, he had dark green eyes, or at least they appeared to be green. He had quite the grim look on his face. ‘Hi, we are detectives Sarah and Hannah. We have been meaning to talk to you, if you are okay. We received a call from the doctor confirming that you were awake, and we thought to come by’, Detective Sarah saying this gently while introducing themselves to her.

‘Hello’, she said sheepishly while looking quite anxious to see those two women. ‘Can you remember anything from that night?’, Detective Sarah asked. ‘I was getting ready for bed. I thought I heard someone behind me Saying, ‘My Mother’s, why did you touch it? However, before I could turn, someone grabbed my head and smashed it on the mirror twice. I must’ve blacked out. The next I remember waking up in a basement tied to a gurney. There were many strange instruments there. I also saw a bath tub a few steps away from me. A body was hanging on hooks while all the blood was pooling into the tub. The place was reeking with awful kinds of smells. I screamed and screamed for help, but no one came’, she cried all the while when she was telling them all this. ‘Please calm down. We did not mean to upset you. We appreciate you talking to us’, saying this the detectives stepped out with the doctor.

Detective Hannah turned asking, ‘Doctor does she have amnesia or something similar?’ ‘We cannot be sure for now. She thinks that she was traumatized, however we did not find anything scars or internal injuries or even any minor or major concussion either. When she was brought in, in her left hand had a hairline crack on the ulna. Other than that, there are no injuries on her’, the doctor replied. Detective Hannah continued questioning the doctor, ‘Did she have anything on her’? ‘Nothing significant, but I could request the nurse to show her belongings to you. We keep the patient’s belongings in a storage until the patient is discharged’, he replied. ‘Can we please have a look at it?’, Detective Hannah enquired. ‘Sure, Penny. Can you please show this patient’s belongings to the detectives?’, he requested. A flustered young nurse came in and asked the detectives to follow her. The detectives followed the nurse through a maze of corridors, until they reached the storage. The nurse requested them to wait while she went inside to get the belongings.

She came back within a few minutes holding a small cardboard box with her. Inside that were the patient’s clothes. They seem to be stained with blood. There was only one loafer in the box under the clothes and right next to it was the Rosary. The rosary seemed like any other rosary except that this one had blood over it. ‘There is a lot of blood on the clothes. As per the report filed by the officers, the room was a sight from any gory movie’, Sarah mentioned. ‘Hmm, I read that. But then look at her she does not seem injured and there was no one else there. So, where did all that blood come from? Have we sent it to the forensics and any word from there?’, she pressed on further. ‘Yes, as per the report, the blood does not match the patient’, Hannah replied which pressing her lips. ‘Then whose blood is it? Animal?’, Sarah prodded. ‘No, it definitely belongs to a human. The forensics are running the sample through the database we should have something in a few days’, Hannah replied. Being a few years senior to Sarah, she had a feeling that this was not an ordinary case.

‘Do you remember your name?’, the nurse asked. ‘Yes, its Anne. Anne Jones’, she introduced herself with a smile. ‘Anne. Nice name. I am Penny. The name Anne Jones sounds familiar though, isn’t it?’, Penny said. ‘Yes, it’s a common name. Every forth girl will have this name’, Anne added. ‘True. But I recall hearing this name recently; but not sure where’, Penny replied. ‘Can I ask a favour? Please?’, Anne asked. ‘Sure’, Penny replied. ‘Can you please get my rosary? I like having it around. It brings a certain calmness to me’, she answered. ‘It is safe in a box in a storage unit. I will get it for you by 8. I will drop it off to your room while heading home. Would that be okay?’, Penny asked. ‘Oh sure. No rush. I understand that you have work’, Anne smiled. ’See you in a while’, saying this Penny was about to leave when Anne abruptly said. ‘Do not touch the rosary, I do not like it’, Anne’s eyes gleamed in menace when she said this. This spooked Penny a little who almost ran out of the room.

‘Hello, is this detective Sarah speaking? This is Doctor Albert from City hospital. We will be running the patient through some tests in a while now. Just thought to inform you that the patient has given her name as Anne Jones. I will update you once the reports are in’

‘That was the doctor’s call stating her name. Check our old files and look for a name Anne Jones. Let us head to her house and look for a few things’, Sarah mentioned this to Hannah while heading to the car.

‘Hi, you awake. I got your meds’, Penny said while silently entering the room. ‘Hi, I guess I drifted off’, Anne smiled while getting up to take the meds from her. ‘Anne, where are you from? You know a few weeks back, there was a news in the paper. Apparently, a woman with the name Anne Jones had gone missing. She was a teacher in the school. The police never did find any dead body. Are you running away from anyone? Are you in any kind of danger?’, Penny asked. ‘No, I live a quiet life. I moved out from my hometown in search of work. I work in a departmental store nothing fancy. Like I said earlier, Anne Jones is quite common name’, Anne politely mentioned. ‘I just thought that you were in danger, so I checked. I hope you don’t mind’, said Penny sheepishly. ‘No problem’, saying this Anne smiled.

She was walking through the corridor, the same maze of corridors. She was done with her shift and was about to head out. She was excited to head home to her boyfriend. He was a medical resident like her and tomorrow being their day off, they had special plans for tonight. She took a bath, got ready and was about to head out when she remembered the rosary which Anne had requested her. She changed the direction and was now headed to the storage unit to get Anne’s rosary.

She went to the storage to get the rosary from the box. She found the rosary at the bottom of the box. She got curious and picked it up to give it a proper look. She heard someone move behind her, the next she knows is being strangled from behind. The voice said, ‘My Mother’s, how can you touch it?’. It was a familiar voice but before she could scream or do something, she felt her head smash on the locker and Why was the last question she could think of.

The detectives were going through Anne’s house. They found it strange to not have a single picture in the entire house. The furniture also seemed quite old when compared to Anne’s age. With a shrill, detective Hannah’s phone rang, it was from the department, ‘We could trace the blood using the DNA, but the blood belongs to a case of a missing lady in Redding. Her name surprisingly is Anne Jones. She has been missing for 13 weeks now. That case is still open; however, the police think that the victim might be dead as there are no leads. The body is also yet to be found’, Charlie the forensics guy was ranting all of this over the call.

‘Sarah, in the car, now!’, saying this they jumped into the car and headed towards the hospital.

Penny realised that she was on a wheelchair which was being pushed by someone. A relief spread over her to be alive only to drift off again. A minivan was parked just at the entrance. Anne loved the disabled people; their cars made the best escape route.

Penny woke up after a few hours only to realize that she was on a gurney. Her hand and legs were restrained. The place seemed like a dark basement with the most pungent fumes reaching her nose. Looking at the other side of the room, she found a body which was on hooks. There were numerous cuts on the body and whatever little blood was left in it, was still trickling into the bathtub below. The nurse now screamed and screamed and screamed, only hearing her own screams echo back to her.

Entering the new hospital, the nurse introduced herself, ‘Hello, my name is Penny. I will be your nurse while your time here’, she told the patient. ‘Just hit the call button whenever you need me’, saying this she started to move out of the room into the corridors while rolling the beads of the rosary…

Keep Swapping Until You Find the Right

We have come across a long way from the way one perceives relationships. The needs changed, priorities changed, requirements changed, the medium of match making changed and so on.

There was a mythological era where the royals used to have ‘Swayambar’ in order to get their daughters married. This would be a gathering of suitors, where each of them would demonstrate their skill set in order to woo the bride. When the bride used to choose one of the suitors present in the court, then with her father’s permission the wedding used to take place bringing the bride home with honor. Here, the word honor played a huge role. Along with the word of honor, the blessing from parents were also important. We have seen the fall of dynasties when the words of commitment were broken only leading to a war or destruction.

Ram Rajya where Lord Ram left his kingdom and throne in order to keep his father’s promise. On the other hand, we had Draupadi, who had to accept 5 men as her husbands in order to keep Kunti’s word.

The super beings then moved on and humans began to evolve from the apes. We evolved into a different species with each generation in passing. Knowing and reading the stories of how things used to be, the traditions followed. Woo the girl, then take the father’s permission and get the bride home with respect and make sure to protect her honor till the last breath. This too was followed until the mankind came to the 80s & 90s.

This was a different decade where every parent thought that their children do not have brains and started fixing things as per their social status. There was also a flip side to this, the younger generation however had discovered the existence of hormones. While the elder tried to make business deals out of marriage, the younger ones fell in love with someone exactly opposite to them and eloped.

There was another side to this decade where we actually had one irritating loud pitched aunty telling us the kids now have become of age and they also have someone in mind for them. This is something thing we can also watch on Netflix. You can cringe all you want but the series ‘Indian Matchmaking’ has hit a nerve here.

This generation was either completely loud and committed where two people were in love and had equal say. The other side was the submissive wife to a husband where she was expected to be non-existent. So, the equality and respect were quite conditional in this decade.

The previous generation showed us the submissive side of relationships. I will not say that this was the case of every couple, but most of them had patriarchal roots in it.

Now we have a set of new millennial’s who love being alone. We neither have an opinion nor we try to give an opinion about the people around us. We recognize the need for companionship yet we keep swiping on the dating sites. We are now a confused generation who fears dying alone, yet even more scared to let someone into our homes. We watch, flirt, talk, sing, dance and sleep. The new day begins with the routine and the next weekend, the hunt begins again. This is fairly a routine. Fear won, confusion won, but we lost. Our heart wants someone, but the mind reminds us of freedom. So, we now prefer to swipe left and right, only trying to find one who is right.

Our generation has no time and patience to be in a relationship. We do not know how to fix the broken. Get a new one to replace the broken is the only thing we understand. In this entire charade, we forgot that we are all evolving humans. We change a little every day. Someone we swiped right on the dating apps might not be right for us. The right partner is never right, we grow together being right for each other. Here, we change and adapt for each other. People might call it using a harsher term ‘Compromise’. But is it really a compromise? Or it is an adjustment for our own mental peace.

I had a discussion with someone saying that someone who is on the dating apps is not looking for a relation and hence giving time to someone on these apps is pointless. But my argument was how is this site different from the matrimonial sites? Not always do we have to hook up for physical needs. Don’t we all need someone who has the same intellectual wavelength with whom we can share ideas or feelings. Or maybe, find a go to person, with whom we can be completely honest and yet not be feared for being judged. Just find that one person who matches our madness.

Let us not swipe people with a set of expectations. What if you met them for a hook-up but turned out that they are really funny? Why ruin the thing with only one possibility? Can’t we just find a flow and then decide the hard stop for us? What if something which we might cringe about is something the other one can easily change or not do around us. What if they never even realized a habit they had until we told them about it? They can stop and find something else to do if they care enough. I am sure they can, and they will.

This one time let us meet for another couple of weekends and then decide if we are to call it quits on the ongoing game. The only thing which we make our currently bleak looking future quite colorful is hope. Let us hang on it and making plans for the same. In this, unknowingly, we look forward hearing from the same person repeatedly.

Some might ask, what If they do not comeback. Well, remember the weekend, when we were going to go to the app to try again!!!! We get back to the search again.

Chintu ka Birthday Review

Movie Name: Chintu ka Birthday

Language: Majorly Hindi

Where to watch: www.zee5.com

My Perspective of the Movie:

                This is a 2019 release and currently you will find it on zee5.com. This a story of a regular lower middle class family from Bihar who currently is based in Baghdad. As the title suggests, it is all about the birthday celebrations for the youngest of the family.

                This is a writer’s movie and delicately holds it on right amount of emotions. Every character has done justice to their roles and have brought out the perfect notes to dish out a rare reality for us. We all being in India have taken lives for granted. We are killing animals, taking COVID situation so lightly, and fighting with each other over politicians, blocking people over social media after an agreement and so on.

                While there are many of us who have stepped out of their comfort zones into different countries and now are making a living there. Those people when stuck in a cruel situation and their reactions, pent up emotions, the longing to come back to the homeland while handling other factors is something the directors have expressed with utmost rawness.

                The entire story revolves around the youngest six year olds child’s birthday party and their plans to keep them afloat no matter what comes. The family consists of five people, the husband (Vinay Pathak), wife (Tillotama Shome), the six year old birthday boy, his elder sister along with the husband’s mother-in-law.

                Vinay Pathak is shown as a salesperson who is sent to Baghdad to sell water purifiers. Over a period of time his family along with the mother-in-law join him. Baghdad now a war zone country is under the US Army clutches which is sent to destroy Saddam Hussain’s reign. Chintu’s earlier birthday was also canceled as the war in Baghdad had just begun. In order to make up for the previous year’s birthday, this year everyone is on their best foot trying to cheer up the little one.

                On the birthday, Murphy’s Law works its charm and everything that had to go wrong went wrong. There is a natural friction shown between the mother-in-law and the son-in-law, after all he was the one to get them there. The landlord who has given his house to the family to live have believes in the system which was placed by the earlier ruler and now is completely upset with the US Army being around.

                Chintu’s best friend is the most impressive character, who has learnt his way around life rather too early for his age. He is a hustler at this tender age but, is street smart and always carries a smile. After looking at him we realize that we are being kids even at 40 years of age not taking responsibility of our actions at all.

                The US army militants have played their roles extremely skillfully. One of them, has been in Iraq since quite some time, while the other has recently arrived. On the very moment, Chitu was to leave his house for the school; a bomb went off in the near vicinity and then it’s a curfew. Amongst all of this confusion, there is a birthday party to happen. Every character has his or her secret, every character has their own story which unfolds slowly in front of our eyes.

                My recommendation is a ‘Good Watch or a Must Watch’. A splendid portray of all the emotions in the distressed war situation along with the helplessness of not being able to go back to homeland.

Mind, Money & Other Matters

              As per know from my earlier blog that I moved out to a new city. Thinking sarcastically ‘This blog should not turn into my autobiography’. People and acquaintances around me are gushing with their best wishes and congratulating me for my new venture. What no one understands the underlying inhibitions and apprehensions, the overnight thinking and the longing to be back home while deciding if this would be the best move. We all assume that getting out of the comfort zone and taking up a new adventure will give us intelligence existing in the entire world; this is what generally the take away a third person gives out. But is it really what happens? Is this the best way to learn about life? Is this the only way to understand the world and the ways of the world?

              Do not look at me and assume that I have the answers to all of this, I am just a blogger after all. Going back, yes, I did get a new job. After weighing my pros and cons I finally decided to move on to this place. So now what next? No idea, this thought haunts me. To start from the beginning first came in the house hunt as we all need a roof on our heads. Finding a house specially which resembles to home is quite daunting task, but once you get it we have won half of the battle.

              Once the strenuous task was done, the next stage of making the house a home is even more difficult than it seems. I was in the mindset to take the necessities and get it done with. But my mother had other plans and was determined to send out so many things for the new house. I was resistant earlier, but then I recalled something which a friend once had told me, “Ghar ghar jaisa lagna chahiye bhale uss main ek adami rahe ya parivar”. It means that a house should always be felt like home; It might be for one person or a family. After a lot of arguing and logical reasoning I understood that once you mother makes up her mind then there is no going back. She makes sure to give you everything she has and a little more.

              Now I have a house, all the things required for a house. Thanks to my parents who help me setup everything that house is now a home, A beautiful home. A place which reminds me of my own home and makes sure that I am not stranded on the streets but am safe and sound in a warm cozy apartment of mine. As per the blog title you would say what and how is this all relevant to what all has been typed so far. Let me see if I can connect the dots, the mind set of a person to accept change is extremely difficult. The mind is in a dilemma and then reaches into high state of confusion making it impossible for the mind to record the pros and cons for any decision. It is clouded with a ton of emotions, questions, uncertainty and much more. This is all about the mind. Trust me when I say that this is just one part of it.

              Here comes the main part, Money or Monetary Matters. We are taught since our very childhood that money is not that important and should never be considered important. I wont comment regarding the relevance of this statement as relocation to any city or country takes a huge toll in all possible ways. Money being one of the vital aspects which can be managed but not ignored. When one decides to move out of their comfort zone the motivating factor is mostly money. To get the motivational money you must invest even more money. Strange logic isn’t it, yet true. You explain this logic through a series on Netflix people will make gifs and forward it. But you write it in a blog, you will get eye rolls. Raising money is not the issue, the issue begins when people take the other person for granted and do not return the money. This has happened with us all of us at least once in our lifetime. Hence its said, Money Does Matter.

              The last part is the Other Matters, here is the perceptions of people and the free advices they give assuming we need them. How does it help us? It practically is not a help and adds to the existing chaos. Meeting up expectations of others is a rigorous and never-ending task. It is something we all put up with. Of course, if you are a girl and you do not put up with it, then its even more alarming, isn’t it? The perceptions and assumptions regarding my movement to the city were surprising, here are a few examples:

1. Good that you are moving, Pune is becoming crowded day by day. Hello Lady! Are you aware of the famous Bangalore traffic? Trust me when I tell you that it takes me 1.25 hours to reach my office when it is just 8 kms away from my home
2. You might want to get away from the people here. Who people? Why I want to leave everyone I know and move into a city where I barely know someone *me rolling my eyes
3. My own mother, you must be wanting to stay away from us to experience freedom. Again, the drumroll with my eye roll. Why will I want to spend on rent, transport, food, electricity and many other things in a new city when I was comfortable in my own city

There are many more such free ka fundas which I got over a period of my move. This led me to conclude that talking to people can be hazardous at times.

So far this much for this time. Will write a little more next time. Until then, enjoy!

The New Girl

              Have all noticed that there is usually a buzz around when someone new joins your school, office, society, locality etc. The curious looks are given to you; the inquires which indirectly float across. The guesses floating around when the movers and packers unload the things. The glances which might sometimes be judgmental as well making you wonder if you did right by leaving what you knew was once yours.

              Today or now I am that girl after a long time; the new girl in Town & in the Office. Everyone around the new office gets curios about the new comer, especially when she is a Girl or Woman. You are peeked upon, asked about; the awkward part is when you get to hear feedback regarding yourselves. Sometimes you like it when you realize that people have made the right guess about you concluding that people can be read even without interacting with them. While some of the things you get to hear can be surprising and shocking as well. Everyone you know around will rush to give you feedback, do this, this what I heard, this is how should sit, this is how you should not talk etc. How is it being the New Girl? Awful, everyone’s eyes are on you. You feel eyes on you the moment you enter the floor. All heads turn to you, you do not realize whether to smile or to walk off or to just stay uprooted to the spot. You say a word more, you are coined as Talkative. You do not say a word, you are coined as Introvert or a Snob. There is just no way you will be right.

              There is already quite a lot of efforts put in the big decision, looking for ways to understand to how to begin again in the new place, what would this decision lead to, how would it reflect on the past, how would the people approach you, should you even approach people and so much already going on. In this dealing with the additional unwanted attention, it just gets added to the confusion. Now from the eyes of the New Girl, I look at the new world with equal amount of Excitement and Apprehension. There is a feeling of new responsibilities we always wanted to take over, but now when they are here, we feel if we are ready to take onto them or not. Will the world be easy on you, although you wish it to be easy? Will the work and the new place be good for you, will you get along with the new people or would you like to be left alone. What if we say one extra word and everything, we were here to build upon just fell apart? Aren’t there too many questions. The answers to these questions will be answered by no one else other than time itself. I know one would say, why so? Why not any other way? Maybe I will do something to get it my way? Have we ever have gotten life the way we really wanted it?

For some reason, beyond my understanding and these many years of work experience some things are just the same in every part and corner of the world. In every society, workplace or any other place for that matter. I have observed that people around me are really trying to get to know the other person. To know if they could be trusted or they are another face which can and should be forgotten once they leave the place. The ones who are from there, ask the new things there and compare the recent time against the one when they were living over there. The ones in the similar situations and now have settled down tell you similar experiences. Some are funny, some are sad, some are confusing, some are jokes when they even don’t sound like them. Then you get to hear the stories of the new place. The plans which could be made where you could be included. The plans which are already made and would cannot be invited as things are already setup.

Just like that the journey of the New Girl begins her journey of being one of them. Looking after herself, trying to fit herself into the new world seen in front of her. This journey of self-exploration and new learning will go on as experiences and lessons for her to remember. They would be part of her life stories which she would later share with someone as memories; until the next New Girl comes into the picture her new road will always carry the tag of the New Girl.

As time passes, she would eventually fit into the team. She becomes the one to also tell the next New One a few stories of her own. She will no longer be the person of curious interests as the ones around her now know her. They made their own conclusions about her. Some bother her, some she does not even relate to, while some she heard for the first time from the others about her. She with time is no longer the new girl, or the girl she once was. She is the New Girl of her own. Only she alone would know the girl she was and now that she has become.

Favors & Feelings

Favors, a word we all might have heard in the Mafia movies. Something we always wanted for ourselves the mafias to get them en-cashed in kind when required. In a world where it is not books and movies, we are not the mafia. Rather than collecting favors for ourselves we end up asking people for them. Are they the right people to ask? The answer to this will be known to each of us only when time comes.

Favors and Feelings relate to each other that too inversely proportional. When one asks for a favor, they usually get desperate to get out of a situation. Or, they might be considering the other person a well-wisher. Lastly, not ruling out the fact of someone taking advantage of the other one’s feelings. Yes, you read it right or maybe I phrased it wrong.

Moving on, Feelings I feel, ironically, play a major part in the game of favours. Now, let us not blame the person who is asking a favour, the way one usually thinks. There is an obvious other side, where the person who is doing you a favour can sometimes feel or demand things calling in the favour which they once owed you.

Is this fair? Well, I never knew a fair life. Is this correct? Well, we do not live in a fair.

The reason for this blog to be written was one of my own experiences. A desperate person looking for a path, end up at a person ‘s door who has a sense of direction. Upon telling him the address, the person did point me towards a road. I started walking down the road, trusting the person who told me the address. Did I reach my destination, I am still walking? I think he told me the longer routine (kidding)? But I learnt one thing, after asking for this favour, there were some unsaid expectations set about me. Suddenly, I was to give my world to him. I wondered why? I was to keep him loop about everything. I wondered why? So this way the wheel of expectations from his end started because I requested him to help me as he was in a position to provide me with a little help.

I have always known, and I also believe, that life is never fair. The rules of the game called life keeps changing. In this ever-changing game, there should be rules of humanity which everyone needs to follow. High expectations from everyone I know.

I do not know how to end up this write-up. All I feel is that people taking advantage of a desperate person in the name of feelings is not at all fair. It is even more hurting when it comes from trust-worthy person. It gives us a slap from reality of the world in which we live. Requesting help these days is as costly as an EMI. An EMI is affordable, but the cost of owing someone a favor might be expensive EMI. The interest may not be worth the price of the favor.

Finding Self Worth

We all reach a point of saturation in our life. We might be in a relationship, off one, single, separated, divorced, complicated and so on. The list of status has always been unending and complicated. In that saturation point we often find ourselves in the in an abyss wherein we locked ourselves into a room with closed doors. We are in a locked mindset where no road seems to go nowhere, but we come back to the very place we began every time we start to move somewhere.

 

Often, we require time to think and jump start things around us. we wish to have different people around us, a different life around us. What we need, what we want and what we have all become blurred. Understanding things, places, people, goals, life seems like a tedious task. We feel like we are living a life which we never chose.

 

Seeing us struggle like this, the loved ones keep giving positive notes, advises, quotes, these are usually the things we do not need. we all are just seeking a direction to go with at that point of time. You explain this to people, but the more we explain, the more complicated it gets for them. Seeking rather professional help, in this country is looked upon disdainfully. The only thing others can picture, is an asylum.

 

In such scenario how does one try to get help when one has lost his own self-worth. We start feeling so unimportant about our own selves, we keep pushing each day forward. We almost give upon ourselves, we reach to such a void, now that void feel comforting. We as humans, rarely try to move out of our comfort zone. Best feeling in this world is when we are sleeping. We go numb, no feelings, no goals, no life just drifting around and like a soulless ghost.

 

Is it easy to find what you are looking for? is it easy to even understand what we are looking for? is it easy to know that we need to look for something which will help us look forward. Moving on from darkness to light seems like walking a long tunnel not knowing where it will end.

 

Currently, I am walking in a similar long, dark tunnel not knowing where it will lead to. I am scared to find another close door, after closing the door before this one, knowing never to open it again. It is a walk, indeed a long one, a lonely one as well. The journey is only for me to complete, no one can help, no one can walk it for me. After thinking a lot, I decided to move myself from the dark locked room where I was to some place where there’s is a little light to see the things around me. So far, have not reached anywhere, I have not found any goal. I decided to just walk in a direction I see where the road leads.

 

Was it decision I took boldly, no. I have my fears, apprehension, questions, aggravation and all. But it’s a start. I will let you know once I reach somewhere, I might stay there for a while, just to figure out if I like that place. If the answer is yes, then the next step is to find myself a goal or a future or a life. If I did not like the place, then I will not feel much bad or not reminiscent too much about it as I have already decided to keep moving until I find my heaven or what I might like my heaven to be.

 

Until then, you all take care and stay blessed.

The Business of Religion

A big controversial topic which might not even go well with the people. This is a topic which people might come back to me saying that this should not have been touched. Please consider this just a few words of mine drafted in a string on a page. Call them thoughts call them phrase.

 

I had been to visit Tirupati a few months back. The preparations for the trip and its booking started some 4 four months prior to the trip. There are many reservations which we must get done to just visit the temple. There was a time when temples were always open to all. Now we must make bookings for the same for every kind.

 

Like the real life, we have reservation classes train class, flight class, reservation quota etc. Now even for temples which is the very base of our culture has classes like Savra Darshan (normal visitation), Special Darshan (special visitation). Then you have the VIP and Super VIP as well.

 

In a culture like India where religion has too much influence on the population there should be a standard set or the sense of equality to prevail. Some places the reservations should not be considered. When people come over from all the places to obtain blessings and to attain inner peace and a way to progress, the demarcation of the crowd depending upon their source of meals do not matter.

 

Maybe if we just respect the feelings, the desperation of the desperate that would help the cause in a better way. When I say all this, I am honestly being a hypocrite, as I would prefer the earliest getaway possible.

 

However, the only thing I would like to change would be the moments given to a person to look at the idol for a while at least until the charge paid to you is refunded in terms of mental peace and satisfaction of seeing and being with the idol for a while.

Imagination

via Daily Prompt: Imagination

There he used to have his world. He lived there. That for him was his own world. He had a family, the love of his life and their little one. They were safe there, untouched by everyone. It was his heaven. Apart from his world he also had the other people who used to come & visit him often. It was a rare scenario that he let the other outsiders meet his family. After all, being a spy, he knew that anyone could be his enemy. Cherishing what mattered was the only thing he always knew.

There is this one day he will always remember, when the others had almost reached his paradise and tried to destroy it. It is a usually, breezy evening, when they decided to have a barbeque for themselves. They were busy preparing and setting up the table. It was almost 2 years today they had a day to themselves. Before this, he was posted in Iran for 3 years. These 3 years were difficult for all the three of them. The lines of communication being stringent there was not much they could so about it. However, they all still thrived.

Today, they were all here together, at this table with each other. This did matter. It always will for him. The others were waiting patiently in the shades, keeping an eye open towards them. Looking out for a perfect opportunity to strike him. They had clear instructions to leave the family alone unless the situation demanded. This kind of scenarios were tricky and unpredictable. The instructions were crystal clear, to finish the target with little damage and to leave the family alone. They all did have an unwritten contract to not touch the family after all. The wait continued, till they found the perfect time to go in and finish the job.

Approximately, in an hour, they started making their way into the house. The house was now quiet, as the family had settled down in the backyard to have their lunch. As predicted, the spy’s gun was on the holster which was now in the now sitting in the living room. They waited for them to finish and come inside. After all, if they shot him outside in the backyard, someone might witness it.

He knew that a car was always present outside his home. Earlier, he began suspecting that someone was outgo get him, however, after complete 3 weeks of surveillance. He decided that it was given for his own protection and started ignoring it. The lunch was amazing, with their daughter squealing and laughing in between them. This was the dream which helped him get through the tough times in Iran. The possibility of them being together in future, kept him going. His wife asked for a refill for her favorite white wine and decided to get it for them. She walked into the curtains towards the kitchen. It was almost 10 mins she yet had not come out, he felt an uncomfortable nagging about the same. The surveillance car today seemed to be in communication with someone else today. This did not seem right to him, something was not right yet he could not place a finger on it.

He thought to check on his wife, the moment he was near the kitchen, he found a pool of blood. He started to look for his gun, when he saw some movement in the periphery vision. He immediately took cover behind the sofa and screamed for his daughter to run. After that, all he remembers was bullets raining with his daughter’s painful scream in his ears and nothing more.

He woke up, sweating profusely, screaming for help. The doctors rushed him to put to sleep after dosing him with a tranquilizer. The psychiatrists tried to bring him out from his imagination where he had a family which now he believes is dead. But, he was just a boy of 13 created a world in his mind from which he refused to come out.

Diabolical Circle of Expectation

There is a dialog in ‘Friends’, where Joey says to Phoebe “There is no Act which is a Selfless Act”. At that point of time we must have not given it much of a thought. But now when sitting in peace with all the chaos around, these words make sense. But these words started ringing yesterday again when I was talking with my best friend over a call. She was spiraling in the tornado of expectations not fulfilled by someone.

This is something we all go through probably even on daily basis. We set expectations from everyone & everything. Our cell phone to work properly, at least remain charged the entire day. Expectation of the day to go as planned, expectations to not get stuck in traffic and so on. I think you must have got a fair idea, but here begins the vicious circle of expectations.

Why do we expect? Is it okay to expect? Should we even expect? I remember a quote from Bhagwat Gita wherein it says “Karam kar phal ki apeksha mat kar” which ideally means, ‘Keep working or doing your duties, without expecting any returns’. Is it possible? Is it correct? Is this how life should be lived? There is no wrong or right in this? There is neither any correct answer for this question.

There is a pattern to all of this, we do then we expect returns. Many of you would disagree, but somewhere when we give we do expect something in return. Its a circle and soon without us realizing it becomes a circle in which we keep spinning till our end. This non stop spin makes us dizzy and delirious. This is a pattern, a very common pattern. Unless we don’t break this, we will be like ‘Abhimanyu’ who was stuck in the Chakravyu. I am not suggesting to stop helping others, but yes help them within a reasonable amount. We do not have to bend or kill ourselves for others. When we go overboard that is when the expectations from others start creeping in.

What we fail to realize is that we are burdened with our own expectations. We put ourselves in misery, when we assume that the other person is responsible for our happiness. We give them the control for our happiness when it is solely in our hands. Why do we do it? We never knew that our happiness is in our hands and not others. Our ignorance regarding this has made us miserable.

The day we let go of expecting from people, stop giving them the power to know that we expect something from them. That will be the very day your happiness will be in your hands. This is not easy, not easily applicable and certainly not a day’s job. We have to work on this over and over again. We will get back to the old pattern of doing things for people and then assuming that they owe you a favor and will return when you expect. The life is not a Godfather movie. We need to get real, need to understand the amount of dependencies we really have on people. We need to learn to recognize real people and not take them on face value.

This all will take a little time. But we need to be patient with ourselves. We cannot blame ourselves for making mistakes. Learn to break the pattern which hold us back. Embrace a new & positive life. Accept that we only need to expect from ourselves. Rest all will fall in place like the puzzle. A beautiful puzzle. 🙂

A Good Book

He is being inquisitive about her he further asked, ‘What are your hobbies?’. She replied, ‘Reading Books’.

Many unknown conversations start like this. The connection which we feel with the books is be totally different. The silent quotes which we later realize while talking to someone were read somewhere. Books, this is a parallel universe where we escape from the present reality. The escape to be someone else. A Vampire, a Princess, a Frog, a Secret Agent etc. The romance which we might not have in real, the books make them alive for us. It is there we can make a universe which we want to live.

We all relate to books, some prefer Kindle while some still prefer the page books, where they can feel the pages, smell the pages, read the words on them. There was a time when the books where not affordable, buying a book or a comic could cost us a week’s saving. These old books when bought from the second-hand library the best were the notes scribbled on them. A story of its own between a story. We can imagine so many things about the people who might have written it.

Being an avid reader myself, I am usually asked regarding my favorite book. I earlier used to give the name of the book whichever I was reading at that point of time. But in real a good book would be the one which remains with you for a long time. A book which you will somewhere in future read again. A book every time we re-read we find something new in it.

It’s Just a Matter of Love

Running away from people and keeping yourself away from them is very easy. Be rude or unresponsive people just walk away assuming that either your dead or in deep sleep. But it’s these very own people who teach us harsh lessons that leave scars imprinted on us always. He too was tired with the ways of the world. Just living in hiding buried in work. She got busy fighting her own life. Needed to reach a goal which was unlikely but she had set her mind. Their paths crossed in very odd ways. The parents came first then followed the rest.

He was someone who could influence you with his presence while she was someone who made a presence with a hint of influence. They seemed more like competitors rather than mates; each of them thinking that they were pushing each other further away. They were playing the game of chess never realizing they were similar in many ways. How did things start? That’s interesting because the wheel of destiny just churned them in. Round and round it all begin.

It started with a missed call which she thought now went wrong. Early rays of the sun on a weekend, she never even is up this early on any day. She saw the missed called and knew who it was from. In a panic, she freshened up and hit the call-back button. The voice on the other end was baritone yet a pleasure to the ear. She wasn’t sure what went wrong when he told her that the call was a mistake made in the early hours. She pretended that it didn’t matter, although somewhere deep within her yes it bothered.

A few days passed away with silence as he told her that he would be busy until no end. She knew that he had forgotten her as she thought wasn’t beautiful or intelligent of any kinds. She never knew how wrong she was about her until the day he told her what he had seen in her.

The wait for his call seemed endless. She quit waiting as it was always the days passing made it clearer that waiting never seemed to end & when it did; it was just another dead end. Giving up the hopes she moved on her life, thinking of a reason the call was less than 5 seconds.

Just being busy one day, she heard her phone ring. It was the shock of her life to see his name flashing on it. She answered the call, but he didn’t seem keen to talk. She called back assuming the networks game was up. He gave the same reply saying that it was a call made by mistake after all. She couldn’t realize how the phone ended up dialing her while he remained this aloof. Often she wondered what her destiny is really trying to tell her.

The days went on soon it became weeks she just got tired and left him in heat, Her usual day at the office had ended a little late. On her way back, her phone flashed his name. Answering the nerve wrecking ring; without a hello she declared to him that it’s his phone again that’s made the mistake. This time it was different, though, he said a hello and laughed at her reply. He must never have expected her to say this because he didn’t know how blunt she could be. A brief conversation took place between them once the snide pleasantries were done. She reached home as usual but never realizes the time. He did keep her busy all that time. Later at night she wondered what was he made of. He runs away from her giving her reasons then comes back to her without any reason. For the first time, she felt a little hope for the unknown connection.

Time flew as if it was in a hurry, he again became silent and she began to worry. She never knew what went wrong. She beat herself up recalling the conversation over and over again. Not finding a fault in anything ever shared between them. Her family used to ask her about him. She never had any answers to begin with. She told about the silence, they just assumed that she wasn’t giving in. She was told to take it forward, she never knew where was it stuck and where she should fire. The time went on, she couldn’t forget him. She wanted him to say a clear no instead of the silence which he was giving. Words mattered to her; words gave her the necessary final closure.

It was just a bad day. Being her special no one made it special to celebrate it for her in any way. The day dragged on. She realized that she gave so much to people that when it came to giving her back there just wasn’t anyone around her. The day ended in a mess. She thought that life couldn’t be worse so she thought to even listen to his ‘No’ today. She is someone who always looked after leaping; sent a text in order to end everything and all. She thought that this would make him say No easily putting the blame on her the way many did. She would’ve taken the blame for him. She never wondered even for a bit why she would want to do such a thing. She thought that she had to protect him for whatever she felt for him even in that briefest moment. She did the worst deed and waited for something beyond worse. She seemed desperate indeed. What he said next was a shock to her. There was no denial and a ‘Hi. How are you?’ as an answer. She thought that she read the message wrong or probably he had not read it at all.

The conversation flowed naturally as if he was just waiting for me to explode. The conversations now ended at night with a promise to see her soon the next night. He did text her the other day, but she was still angry because she needed an answer to his silence for all the previous days. She knew that she’ll ask him that eventually or probably he would tell that soon in order to keep this harmony. The days flowed so did the conversations from the day they began to till the night and beyond. So this started with a new story. I will tell you all the same soonest as the pages turn for newer stories.

You or Me? Maybe, Us?

The title itself might give you an idea of the article, isn’t it? A few questions before I move ahead with what I wish to share. Relationships, easier written than worked upon isn’t it? Are Relationships easy? Have they ever been easy? Have they ever been a cakewalk?

Most of us know that the answers to these questions is a ‘No‘. Anyone who says otherwise does not live in the real world. The intricacies of any relationship are shown quite accurately in the movies. The part where people fall in love is portrayed quite well. But the dynamics after that; showing that, is not only difficult but also impossible. The parts not only get complicated but there is no standard combination to this.

Every relationship has its own music and its own audience. No one else can do a tango for those two. No matter what the relation is, there will always be a mix of emotions and problems associated to it. There are different names to different kinds of relationships. Parents, sibling, friends, lovers, partners, spouses etc. The more the number of people the more the dynamics, leading to conflicts.

Amongst all the fights, we all will mostly remember the how one fought for a while, but never what was the fight all about. The first fight will determine if a relationship will make or break it. Anger or strong emotions have a way of expressing the suppressed feelings, expressed in words between two people. The unexpressed can be good, bad or ugly. Here the views will change, some would say, things should be expressed, while some would argue with the necessity of expression. To each their own perspective as per their experiences and values.

Conflicts, they will be a vital part of every relationship. Conflicts are a part of all relationships: Platonic, Personal, Professional and so on. Conflicts come into the picture as the perceptions of every being are different than the other one. Each one’s perception develops from their own experiences, ideologies, values, principles etc. What if today the perceptions or thoughts do not match? Does this mean that the relationship is to be given up?

The old usually advise that always come to a middle ground. Start meeting halfway. Start to compromise on somethings. Is this just to save the relationship for the society or to save the relationship for the two people? I would say this is advised for the later, i.e. to save the relationship for two people until they reach a point where their difference is incorrigible.

The conflicts will and should happen, this is already established. Now the main story begins, what happens after the conflicts? Should it be dusted under the carpet until we trapeze all over it and trip again on the same mess again and again? Or should we deal with the mess once for all to avoid dealing with the bump under the carpet again and again.

The millennials of this generation, as per my observations has time to do many things, other than the important. In our list of priorities relationships take a back seat. We neither need them nor do we perceive them as a necessity. Even somewhere at the back of our mind, we know that we are wrong; yet we keep up our stride. It is not the relation that we fear, it is the dependency which we develop for each other. The concept of having to give up or let someone do something for us is scary now. Also, putting in efforts for someone whilst not to expecting anything in return, this too is difficult. These days we make plans for ourselves and only for us. There is rarely a scope for someone else in that.

At times, it is okay to revisit the fight, let the other person take care of the other one. The show of care and love is necessary no matter how much we grow up. After that, both together can take a breath and start together again. Is it easier? I know and have experienced that its easier said than done.

As I aged, I concluded that no fight is ever bigger than the other person. We make it big, because of the strong emotional turmoil we feel at that point of time; making the other person feel quite unworthy that they have no choice but to leave. What are we left with? Fighting with ourselves, trying to desperately find a reason to blame the other for the fault of one’s own.

Concluding this as, fights or disagreements as I will say are going to be constant companions. But with age, time and experience; people will change, their reactions towards us will change. In such cases, let people take time out and find a way to talk to each other. They might just realize that their disagreement is about nothing: only leading to a confusion of unnecessary complicated exchange of words. Let us all try to fix whatever we can, with the other take it ahead a little every day, reaching to a new level of strength with which both can build with each other. Let us all take a step towards the possibilities today.

The Non-Existent Cage

              The 21^st century millennial, that is what we are proud to call ourselves. We claim to be the luckiest lot who seem to have enjoyed both the worlds. We have played & seen the outside world when we were young while seen the face of technology when we were stepped out into this big bad world.

              We see many memes these days where people are shown chained to the technology. We agreed, some disagree, some name it as lifestyle while some name it a necessity. Amongst all the reasons there is something even more sinful we are walking into; Limiting our Capabilities in the name of technology or automation or something not being required. Yes, I understand the eye rolls I got after reading this line. Conclusion, another girl talking against technology while using technology to tell it as well. 😊

We lately are so busy rushing between time zones; falling in and out of relationships; trying to deal with loneliness; give names to the casual relationships we keep to not feel the pinch of being lonely; satisfying our Ego by mentioning the profiles we have at work and lastly undermining others as we are not happy with what we are today. Sounds familiar? Maybe yes, maybe no. Some agree some disagree to the core.

I get this a lot from people around me, “You do not know what you are! There is a lot if hidden potential in you”. I often wonder, what does this person want from me and push that thought aside. I never have given this statement any consideration that there might be something in me and maybe that something is either not explored or is undermined. We all would have heard this more than once I am sure, but at least once in every year specially during yearly and mid yearly appraisals.

Come to think of it, we all do pretend to know ourselves too well and to reach to conclusions with our abilities without even once giving it a try. I always thought I had stage fear. Even during those school events I used to be glad to stand in the back and be invisible. Thankfully, I was tall enough to easily get the permission to stand in the last row. But today when my school mates see me, I am no longer the girl I was. These days I take trainings and open forum sessions where I talk for hours making sure that people not sleep off while I let on my narcissistic drone. Kidding, the moral of the story is that I never would have pictured me doing this had you asked me all of this in school. I changed for better and for worse that only time will tell.

This incident made me think about the restrictions we put onto ourselves. Come to think of it, all we are taught in our entire growing years is about all the things we should not be doing. I understand the immoral or incorrect values which might be harmful to the others; but the others. These days in the corporate world we have something called the ‘Trust Workshop’ where we must fall back freely on the people standing behind us, hoping for them to catch us. They always catch us, I know this, yet I cannot make myself freely. I accept that over a period I have now lost the ability to keep blind faith on people. Maybe too many backstabbing and such experiences; but I am still carrying it forward thinking everyone is the same. Injustice? Stupid? Maybe yes, maybe no. We can easily reason or judge or about people. One of the worst gifts a person has taken up for themselves in the name of responsibilities.

The ‘Restrictions’ let us get back to that, I think I provide too much information to you guys while writing. So rather than learning how to break our limitations and bondages or fears, we cling onto them more labeling them as need not to be tested or crossed over or even attempted. We all have come here with a purpose to enhance ourselves more, in all possible dimensions. But all we do is exist under dire circumstances and then blame life for the things not going our way.

The gurus these days say things quite accurately, all we do is say and complain but do not anything to change it. We are so used to being in our comfort zone even if it is not working out rather specially when it is not working out. Moving towards change is something we have never learnt, nor we wish to learn. We grew up understanding how to maintain boundaries that somewhere we have forgotten to break them in order to achieve something which might seem like a miracle but is something which is easily possible for each and everyone one of to achieve.

We all now sit in a glass cage which is unlocked. We do not even try to break it nor do we try to rattle the cage and open it. What am I doing about it? I am sneaking out of the cage once in a while to explore the world. So far, I liked what I saw. Any complaints, obviously, but then are not we an unsatisfied generation.